Two Months

Here's a big huge picture dump of some favorites from

our second month with Miss Addison.

 This little girl eats every 2-3 hours during the day, and 5-6 hours at night. She is a morning girl, just like her Mama, smiling and 'talking' before her Daddy and I can even peel our poor eyes open.

 When she's eating or falling asleep, she grabs and grabs... opens and closes her sweet

hands until they finally find my shirt, my hair or her fuzzy blanket, or bunny.

I love this about her, and I hope she does it forever.

 She is silly and curious, stubborn and strong, soft and affectionate.

 I have a pretty good feeling that this little chunk is going to be absolutely hilarious.

Just like so many of her family members, and I cannot wait.

She already makes me laugh every single day.

She does not like Tummy Time, which makes it hard for me to enforce it as much as she needs it.

However, she sure loves cuddling and sleeping on her tummy...  

 Her giggles have been silent so far, but just yesterday morning, she let out a short, sweet little laugh while hanging out with her Daddy. Just another 'first' that makes all of this seem

so real but so dream-like at the same time.

We celebrated my very first Mother's Day with some friends who we are blessed to call family.

Addi,

I cannot believe another month has flown by with you here in our arms.

We have been excited about you for so many years, and now suddenly you

are here, sweeping us off our feet.

God is so very faithful and so very good to us. Remember that, sweet girl, no matter what.

You are your Daddy and my greatest, most precious and valuable blessing.

Thank you for letting us love you.

You are fearfully, wonderfully and beautifully made.

 Happy two months, my big, beautiful, happy girl.

Morning hours

It's 6:30 in the morning and I just got our happy, smiley girl back to sleep. She slept for 7 hours straight last night without waking to be fed. She woke up at 4:40, we snuggled, she ate, she dozed off, only to wake up thirty minutes later.

Happy. Curious. Ready to smile.

Her Daddy and I talked and laughed and kissed her until she was hungry again.

And now she lays next to me.

Sleeping sweet.

I wonder how long she will prefer to sleep like this, on our sides with her face buried deep in my chest? How long will she need to grasp my shirt or hair while she is eating and falling asleep? I wonder how long I'll get to be all that she needs. When will her breath loose its milky sweet smell?

Being a mama... her mama... Has been the sweetest and happiest moments of my life. I want to remember all of it.

The way she calms down the second she hears the bath water running.

The cute little voice my husband uses when he walks in the front door, scoops her up and says, "Hi, baby! Oh, I missed you all the day!"

The absolutely ridiculous face she makes as she poops. And how it makes me laugh every single time.

Family Prayer. The way my husband lays his hands on both of his girls each night, thanks God for us, and prays for our safety.

The middle-of-the-night-feedings... When I can barely step out of bed and lift her from her cradle. The ever present, deep feeling of exhaustion. Knowing that there will never be another night where I sleep all night... Never again a morning to sleep-in... And learning to be grateful for these interrupted nights and long days.

The way her smile overtakes her entire body. Watching the grin grow until it forces her body to curl over toward her toes, or launch her over to the side... Eyes squinted, toothless gums visible, joy in our hearts.

The inhale squeal that tells me she is laughing.

The way she looks up at me while she's eating. Eyes wide open, curious and filled with love.

The lonely feeling. Being sad every morning when Matthias leaves for work. But knowing that he goes because he loves us, and he works to provide for us.

The way our dog protects her. When she naps, he goes into the bedroom and lays down next to the bed. He follows us when we walk to other rooms. He sniffs her when she plays on the floor.

The second of disbelief when I think, "This is my daughter. This is our little family." Then the happiness when I realize that these two loves of mine will always, always be in my life.

And I'll always, always love them.

One Month

As I sit here typing, there is a sweet soul sleeping on my chest.
This little soul is oh so precious.
This little girl became one month old, yesterday.

Sweet Addi Bird,

You have made us happier than we ever knew we could be, and this past month has flown by quicker than I wanted. I guess you'll continue to grow until you are too big to pick up, despite the fact that I've asked you to slow down already.

We learn more about you with each day. You like to be held closely, rocked and kissed to sleep, and smiled at. You'd rather sleep on your stomach or side than your back. You wake up in the night to eat and to sleep next to me. You are mesmerized by everything about your Daddy... his voice, his face, the way he holds you and sings to you.

One day, you'll reach out to me... you'll speak your first words...
you'll grow up and you'll have babies of your own.

But for now, for these sweet seconds, I kiss you until you fall asleep, pray over your tiny body, and smell each of your warm, sweet breaths.

Forgive me for all of the times I mess up, sweet baby.
I strive to be so very good to you, and God is teaching me each day
to love and serve you in the way He has called me to.

I love you, sweet girl. You have my heart. Happy One Month.
Mama

A little update and a little girl

The last 31 days of my life have been a big, dreamy blur of pure goodness. I cannot count the number of cups of coffee I've consumed, and the amount of naps that I haven't taken.
These are small and selfish complaints, but they are a reminder to my heart that I'm a Mama.

My time has come, and this is actually happening.

These days have been filled with the most love I have ever felt. There have been moments when I thought my heart would actually burst right then and there. So many kisses, so many snuggles, so many prayers of thanks. And oh, watching this girl and her Daddy be together. It's overwhelming to the point where I want to run into my closet, close the door, and just weep... Big hot tears, and long sobs of joy.

My cup overflows.

I plan on writing a birth story. I plan on getting back into blogging. I plan to write a few posts about different moments and experiences of motherhood so far. Posts about my sweet girl, but also posts about an incredible hobby that I picked up throughout my pregnancy. I plan to put up pictures that show the growth of my belly through the months, and pictures that share the first few weeks of Addi's life here with us.

I plan, I plan, I plan...

But for now, I will say that life is good. All worries and stresses of life have gone dim, and the only thing that matters is making sure this tiny soul knows how incredibly loved she is.
I am humbled, overwhelmed and honored by the love shown to us,
and by the amazing opportunity to raise this child of God.

2013. I have no idea.

Just a fun little picture of me and the sis last month!
Being ballerina's... as all girls should.

2013.

This is the year our daughter will be born.
This is the year that will make me a Mama.

Of all the millions of things that will happen during this year... all of the situations and circumstances that we will find ourselves in... She is honestly the only thing that I am sure of.
That should scare me, but it doesn't.
I am a planner, and nothing seems to go as planned anymore.
But it is starting not to matter anymore.
We will welcome her into our unknown life, and she will be enough for us.
May God be glorified and trusted more this year than any other year before.


[Oh and also, this year I will be able to sleep on my stomach again. My precious, beloved, tiny, not-baby-filled stomach.
Oh, hallelujah. REJOICE! I CANNOT WAIT.
That thought brings me more happiness than most other thoughts, lately.]

A new kind of Christmas

Christmas 2012 was so different. While it wasn't our first 'married Christmas' it was our first Christmas alone... Just me, my husband, a ginormous stomach full of baby, and our pup. As much as our hearts were homesick, they were so very full. Full, happy hearts. Thankful for each other and thankful for the birth of our King Jesus. I cannot wait until Christmas 2013, when there is a sweet little crawling girl to share this time with!

Of the 5 Christmases that I've spent loving this man, I think this one takes the cake.

Home Sweet Michigan

It's the first day of December, and I sit here wearing a comfy sweater with hot coffee warming my hands.

Winter and Christmas songs play in the background and soothe me while I write.

"The branches have traded their leaves for white sleeves...
All warm blooded creatures make ghosts as they breathe....
Welcome, December, with tireless hope."

I just want to take a minute to say that I love home. I love being in Michigan and being surrounded with family. I love feeling at peace while I sit next to the wood burning stove, breathing deeply as I walk around outside, and falling asleep on the couch watching movies every night.

This is home.

But this place is not mine anymore. I have grown, I have married and left, trying to connect and build a a life in a different state with different people, different places and different feelings.

It's a very strange feeling, belonging so greatly in one place but also knowing that God has you somewhere else for a time. A time that is not defined, and for a reason that is ever-changing. It is a heart-torn feeling that I can never explain perfectly, but one that I hope never goes away.

Belonging somewhere.