Right now as I type this, Addison is sleeping in her own room, in her own crib.... For the very first time, ever.
I am resting in my own bed in my own room, where she has always napped and slept, and I am crying my eyes out.
She is six months and six days old.
Go ahead, call me crazy. Judge me.
I never set out to co-sleep. And honestly I used to think it was kind of silly, silently saying to myself when others slept with their children, "that baby should sleep in its own bed" or "that's so dangerous".
Of corse, this was all before my life changed and I became a mother.
And the truth of the matter (of all matters, really, from breastfeeding to first foods to co-sleeping to vaccinating to public schooling and to discipline) is this:
Every family is different.
Let me say that again.
Every family is different.
What works for one family may not work for others. What works for one baby may not work for another, even if those two babies happen to be siblings.
I have been on a complete journey, this last year of my life... Learning and constantly researching and thinking and growing and changing who I am, my beliefs, my morals, and my opinions about multiple topics. Becoming more of who I want to be, and more of who (I pray) God wants me to be.
And let me say this, after someone - an actual human being - being created, growing and living inside of my very own body... And then coming out, to turn my world upside-down and invade every corner of my heart in a matter of seconds...
I think co-sleeping is beautiful.
So, so beautiful.
Addi has either been in a cradle next to me or safely tucked in my arms in bed for every night of her life. And for the past three months, we have consistently co-slept each night. And it is beautiful.
She and I both sleep well, it's made nighttime feedings so easy, and it has worked for us.
But balancing marriage and motherhood is hard, and I am reminded of this every day.
Putting my husband first is necessary, but it still breaks my Mama heart.
So here I am.
Confused. Scared. Emotional. Brave.
Starting a transition that will, hopefully, turn out to be a good thing for our family.
Maybe I'll still bring her, sleepy and limp, into bed with us in the early hours of the morning. Right at the time where the sun is finally winning its nightly struggle, cars haven't yet started driving and dogs are still snoring. And the three of us will drift in and out of those last moments of rest, together.
You see, co-sleeping works for us.
But I have a feeling that maybe,
this will work for us, too.
