A Babe

Throughout the 21 years that I've been on this planet, I have had many dreams.... Whether they were big, small, whimsical, impossible or simple. I've always had a dreamer's heart.

Some of these dreams came true, and I met some of my goals. I was Pocahontas in my backyard, or Ariel on the big rock out front. I set up a museum in my playhouse for all the plants and 'artifacts' I would find on our property. I video taped my own cooking shows and sang with my karaoke machine like I was on a real stage. I had my first kiss, got my drivers license, my first job, fell in love, and earned an Associates Degree. I married my absolute best friend.

Some of my dreams came true, when others faded away.

But, as long as I can remember, one single dream has been a constant in my heart. It has filled my head more than any other dream. I ached and longed for it.

I prayed, begging God "Pease, one day, please..."

I have always dreamed, ached, prayed to be a Mama.

Throughout Middle School, High School and College, the question "What do you want to do?" was always answered very easily... "I just really want to be a stay at home mommy".

That's my dream. It is one of the true desires of my heart.

On Monday, July 16th, Matthias and I sat on our bathroom floor... Anxiously enduring 3 entire minutes of waiting on the results of an at-home pregnancy test. I knew already, in my heart, that there was a baby. But seeing my husband's face when he looked down at that plus sign is one of my favorite moments of my life.
Not being able to breathe has never been so sweet.

 "For I have prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give it to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord ." And she worshiped the Lord there.
1 Samuel 1:27-28

So, little baby, here I am...your Mama.
I've loved you for forever. I have been waiting for you, but it feels like you've

always been here. You have always been mine, and I cannot wait to kiss the sweet skin that

I've been dreaming of for so long. Oh, sweet baby.

 

Thanks be to our great God, and my sweet husband...
For they are making my dream come true.

Ramblings

As I finally sit down to type out a blog post, I am realizing that it has been two weeks since I've posted. And goodness, what a two weeks it has been. 

There are so many things I want to say...

about what's been going on in life...

about the fun we've been having with our visitors...

about the way God has been moving my heart more than He has in a while...

about dreams and worship and emotional talks with my husband...

about cute little Pinterest projects that I want to do...

about places that I want to go and adventures that I want to have...

about silly things like style and clothes and our dog...

But I keep getting stuck on one thought. This blog.

What is it for? Is this some kind of public diary? Is it the best way for me to express my heart tangibly? Am I writing for my glory, or for God's? How much of my heart and fears should I share on the blog? What does it even matter, because no one really reads my blog anyways...? And how will I get people to understand that I'm not asking for attention or recognition? How do I get them to read and see through my poor story telling, stupid jokes... and find that there is something greater that I want to say in this little corner of the Internet.

Something I've been aching to say... dying to scream.

Something that I don't even have the words for.

Maybe I'm taking things to seriously and making everything so heavy. Maybe I need to lighten up and just let it go. Maybe there's really nothing wrong and I'm just making this all up.

Or maybe. Maybe God has put this restlessness in my Spirit with a purpose. Maybe this is a wake up call, while I just sit here, selfishly pressing Snooze over and over. Maybe I'm not where I need to be.

Of coarse I'm not where I need to be. Maybe there needs to be some changes. Changes in me. Changes in where I'm going. 

Like I said, God is doing big things. Great big things.

 

Death by avocado

Wednesday night was going to be an ordinary weeknight at home with the husband. It was going to go as such: He gets home at 4:30sih. I get home at 6. Hugs, kisses and "How are you?"s are shared. We heat up some leftover taco salad and munch on a brownie or four two. Talk about work, excitement for friends visiting this weekend, how much money is in the account, etc. We share our dreams for the new apartment this summer, read a chapter of Harry Potter, and fall asleep cuddling and watching a few episodes of Friends.

Ordinary weeknight at home, right?

Wrong.

I am on the way home from work when Matthias calls me. The first thing he says is, "Now don't panic when I tell you this..." I immediately start to panic. Duh. He says, "I just stabbed myself in the hand pretty good." I responded with yells, questions, studders and almost a few tears.

He had been cutting an avocado, using one of our steak knives to stab the pit, twist and take it out. This is what we've always done. Well, the knife slipped, pushed by the extraordinary strength of my husbands arms, and went straight through the avocado, and into the palm of his hand.

Matthias asked me where the nearest ER was, and drove himself there. I went home to find a bloody avocado speared by a steak knife, blood stains on the carpet and pillowcase, and a bloody bathroom sink. Oh my. I start to clean, worried about how bad the cut is.

He was home by 6:45 with an inside stitch, two cross stitches on the outside, a sore booty from the tetanus shot, and a prescription for an antibiotic. The guy that he is, he was excited to tell his buddies. I don't get it. Boys are weird.

And listen to this.

The doctors told him that the knife had gone almost the entire way through his hand, about 95%. God is good. They also said that it missed all of his tendons. God is so very good. Because none of the tendons in his hand were touched, Matthias will be able to play guitar again within a few weeks, which is his passion and (Lord willing) future career plan. Also, he doesn't have health insurance. I was worried about the price... but God stepped in and the hospital took off over 90% of the bill.

That alone was overwhelming to me. God really does provide. And I am guilty for not trusting Him more fully in this situation. I know that there are much worse injuries out there that people deal with. But I am so very thankful that the Lord took care of my sweet husband, his hand, and our finances.

He is so good.

Here is the avocado after the incident. See how far the knife is sticking out? That's just a little more than how far it was in Matthias' hand. Ouch.

He took a really gross picture of the stab wound in his palm... lots of blood... but I'm going to save you all from having to see it. You're welcome.