A Babe

Throughout the 21 years that I've been on this planet, I have had many dreams.... Whether they were big, small, whimsical, impossible or simple. I've always had a dreamer's heart.

Some of these dreams came true, and I met some of my goals. I was Pocahontas in my backyard, or Ariel on the big rock out front. I set up a museum in my playhouse for all the plants and 'artifacts' I would find on our property. I video taped my own cooking shows and sang with my karaoke machine like I was on a real stage. I had my first kiss, got my drivers license, my first job, fell in love, and earned an Associates Degree. I married my absolute best friend.

Some of my dreams came true, when others faded away.

But, as long as I can remember, one single dream has been a constant in my heart. It has filled my head more than any other dream. I ached and longed for it.

I prayed, begging God "Pease, one day, please..."

I have always dreamed, ached, prayed to be a Mama.

Throughout Middle School, High School and College, the question "What do you want to do?" was always answered very easily... "I just really want to be a stay at home mommy".

That's my dream. It is one of the true desires of my heart.

On Monday, July 16th, Matthias and I sat on our bathroom floor... Anxiously enduring 3 entire minutes of waiting on the results of an at-home pregnancy test. I knew already, in my heart, that there was a baby. But seeing my husband's face when he looked down at that plus sign is one of my favorite moments of my life.
Not being able to breathe has never been so sweet.

 "For I have prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give it to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord ." And she worshiped the Lord there.
1 Samuel 1:27-28

So, little baby, here I am...your Mama.
I've loved you for forever. I have been waiting for you, but it feels like you've

always been here. You have always been mine, and I cannot wait to kiss the sweet skin that

I've been dreaming of for so long. Oh, sweet baby.

 

Thanks be to our great God, and my sweet husband...
For they are making my dream come true.

An Anniversary

Yesterday, August 5th, 2012, Matthias and I celebrated our very first married Anniversary.

I kept thinking all day long about exactly what I was dong, a year ago, at exactly that minute...

1:30 the night before.... finally finishing my vows and falling asleep.
7:30... waking up, eating breakfast, showering, packing the car.
10:00... realizing there weren't enough checks in the checkbook to be able to pay everyone that day... calling my dad and asking him to take cash out of two different banks on the way to the camp.
10:30... getting there, setting up, being able to breathe for a minute because friends were helping.
3:30... getting ready, worrying about Matthias, writing him a note, curling my hair.
6:15... Getting into the van to ride up to the chapel, absolutely scared out of my mind.
6:30... Crying with and hugging my Daddy, ready to walk.
7:00... Married. Finally married.

Happy, crazy day.

We spent the day yesterday doing a whole lot of nothing. Sleeping in, making French Toast, watching Harry Potter, doing silly dance moves, going to Kroger, eating wedding cake that has sat in a freezer for an entire year, falling asleep early.... you know, the usual married stuff.

But yesterday, it was different. I felt some sort of victory all day long... that we have done it. We've gotten through our first year of marriage with more good than bad. We love each other more now than we ever have. Victory, I'd say.

God is so good.

Happy Anniversary, my love.
You are so special to me, and you make my life a little sweeter each day.
I love you.

The Best

You know when your husband comes home from work 4 1/2 hours late, on a Friday night, when you had a pretty awesome Date-Night-In planned for the two of you? And then when he finally is home, as hard as you try, you just can't keep from being ridiculously crabby and irrational? And just when you could almost weep from the mixture of all your emotions swirling around like those crazy fast spinny rides at the carnival that pins you to its walls, he walks toward you, opens his arms, says "Come'ere" and suddenly you melt and things seem a little better? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. And yeah, it's the best.

And you know those Saturday mornings when you wrap up in a blanket and go onto the balcony, sip your coffee and read 3 entire chapters of Harry Potter in one sitting, just because you can?

Yes, also the best.

And then you and your husband have a fight. Right in the middle of your "New and Improved Date Night". Yep, right there in the Lowe's parking lot. But you make up and say "I'm Sorry" because you are madly in love with each other. Then you try a delicious restaurant that you've never been to. And you know when you're in the movie theater, with his hand on your leg and suddenly you can't remember the reason why you were crying in the Lowe's parking lot 2 hours earlier? And then he squeezes your leg to say "I love you" and you can feel it in your heart?...

...It's the best

To my man

To you, oh hubby of mine.

 

You have been working so hard for us lately, and I never want you to feel that it is unnoticed. I don't think I've ever been so proud of you as I am now, seeing you in this role as a husband. You truly are selfless in our marriage, doing literately everything for me that you can. You have put up with countless nights of my bad mood and selfish whining... We have always said that no one else loves me as much as you do, and that no one else but you can handle me.

The past 8 months have proved both of these things true. Thank you, thank you.

Being able to witness your sweet excitement for the things that God is starting to unfold with your music is so incredible. Not just that, but you are at a job that you absolutely love. After being down here almost 9 months, I can finally feel peace here. Peace in you, peace in me. We are blessed, baby. I'm blessed to get to be your wife. I would follow you around the world, if He asked. Okay, well, I'd be kind of afraid. But I'd do it.

I know how much you worry. In fact, I may be one of the only ones who know how much you worry. But trust me, everything is going to be okay. We've been saying it since we were teenagers and we will say it until the day we die: Everything is going to be okay.
God knows your heart and He sees your worry. He knows your thoughts that are left un-shared when we lay in bed in the dark. He covers you with His hand every morning and takes care of you like only He can. He is good, and He provides. Remember that.

For you, my love. I know you don't really read my blog... I know you think it's a little lame. But I'm hoping that one day you'll decide to wander on over and find this love letter.

Because you are awesome, sweet boy.

My heart is full.

Death by avocado

Wednesday night was going to be an ordinary weeknight at home with the husband. It was going to go as such: He gets home at 4:30sih. I get home at 6. Hugs, kisses and "How are you?"s are shared. We heat up some leftover taco salad and munch on a brownie or four two. Talk about work, excitement for friends visiting this weekend, how much money is in the account, etc. We share our dreams for the new apartment this summer, read a chapter of Harry Potter, and fall asleep cuddling and watching a few episodes of Friends.

Ordinary weeknight at home, right?

Wrong.

I am on the way home from work when Matthias calls me. The first thing he says is, "Now don't panic when I tell you this..." I immediately start to panic. Duh. He says, "I just stabbed myself in the hand pretty good." I responded with yells, questions, studders and almost a few tears.

He had been cutting an avocado, using one of our steak knives to stab the pit, twist and take it out. This is what we've always done. Well, the knife slipped, pushed by the extraordinary strength of my husbands arms, and went straight through the avocado, and into the palm of his hand.

Matthias asked me where the nearest ER was, and drove himself there. I went home to find a bloody avocado speared by a steak knife, blood stains on the carpet and pillowcase, and a bloody bathroom sink. Oh my. I start to clean, worried about how bad the cut is.

He was home by 6:45 with an inside stitch, two cross stitches on the outside, a sore booty from the tetanus shot, and a prescription for an antibiotic. The guy that he is, he was excited to tell his buddies. I don't get it. Boys are weird.

And listen to this.

The doctors told him that the knife had gone almost the entire way through his hand, about 95%. God is good. They also said that it missed all of his tendons. God is so very good. Because none of the tendons in his hand were touched, Matthias will be able to play guitar again within a few weeks, which is his passion and (Lord willing) future career plan. Also, he doesn't have health insurance. I was worried about the price... but God stepped in and the hospital took off over 90% of the bill.

That alone was overwhelming to me. God really does provide. And I am guilty for not trusting Him more fully in this situation. I know that there are much worse injuries out there that people deal with. But I am so very thankful that the Lord took care of my sweet husband, his hand, and our finances.

He is so good.

Here is the avocado after the incident. See how far the knife is sticking out? That's just a little more than how far it was in Matthias' hand. Ouch.

He took a really gross picture of the stab wound in his palm... lots of blood... but I'm going to save you all from having to see it. You're welcome.