Thinking about yesterday, her very first Christmas. Feeling it in my heart, finally.
I always seem to set up some sort of expectation of what a special day is going to be like... Whether it be birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, whatever. I always want it to be magical, special, and something that feels real and deep... Something tangible that I can feel way into the center of my heart. A day where everyone I'm with or everyone I'm thinking of feels special, everyone is sure that they are loved, and they can feel it deep in their heart, too.
I just want it to be perfect.
But sometimes, a lot of the time, I let my expectations get in the way of it being perfect. I'm so worried about feeling it they way I imagine, that I don't give myself the chance to feel it the way it is.
Yesterday was Addi's first Christmas, and yet another Christmas spent away from mine and Matthias' families. There were so many emotions running free in my heart that I couldn't really sort trough them and figure out where I was. Aren't moms supposed to cry when their baby crawls out to the Christmas tree early in the morning? Aren't I supposed to take a million pictures, smiling through tears of joy? Should I have done more for my husband, even though he says he didn't want gifts? Isn't there supposed to be snow? Why aren't my parents and siblings all gathered here with me?
So many emotions, and I was letting all of the questions get in the way of what was truly happening...
...the joy in my husband as he woke me up, video taping every moment of Addi's first Christmas morning.
...hearing the words "you're beautiful" as I tried on a new sweater.
... watching my daughter fully concentrate on ripping one piece of wrapping paper at a time, slowly until a toy or book appeared. And the constant chewing on the paper.
... spending the evening with friends who have truly become family.
... Kidding my Addi and husband goodnight.
... And the realization that a long time ago, a mama grew Love inside her, and a baby was born in a cold, dirty barn.
He was born for me.
For my heart and for my soul.
So, Christmas was pretty perfect.
Oh, let us adore Him.
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