Open Hands

Oh, life is hard.

Being still-somewhat-newlywed is hard.

Money is hard.

Preparing the marriage and the bank account for a baby is hard.

So, we made a choice that not many would make.

I quit my job.

Almost an entire month ago, I had my very last day of a job that I had grown to love.

A job that, financially, we 'needed'.

Leaving work only 4 months into my pregnancy can sound crazy to some.

But it was what we truly needed.

More than money, more than financial security.

A scary, terrifying leap of faith.

It's what God was asking me to do.

And it's been wonderful. My heart has found contentment and happiness that it hasn't held in a very long time. I feel joy starting to seep its way back into my marriage, relationships with family and friends, and even my alone time.

I'm starting to become who I was made to be... wife, mama, lover of God.

That's not to say that everything is perfect, because it's not. Honestly, money is tighter and we are struggling more than we ever have... more than I have in my entire life, and it can get pretty scary. Some bills get paid, and some don't. Some meals involve all the food groups, and some consist of macaroni and cheese with cut up hotdogs in it. I can't start buying outfits, books, toys and diapers for The Babe, and date nights are a library movie with, maybe, a Hot-N-Ready.

But the promises of God reach much farther than money will ever be able to. He has promised us that we will always have what we need. What we need. Maybe not the clothes that are in style or the cutest nursery and the perfect nutritional meal. And maybe we will have to ask people for help, once in a while. But God will always, always provide what we need.

This I know. And in this, I have hope.

Above all else, I want my life to be filled with the Kingdom of God. To completely and fully lean on Him for each and every one of my wants and needs. To be excited in what He is doing with my mess-of-a-life, and to long for Him to fulfill His sweet promises.

"When a woman has a kingdom heart, she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. She energetically pursues Him with every piece of her being. She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. She learns to love well, give without regard to self, and forgive without hesitation. The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possessions or enough treasures to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them all with open hands."

-Angela Thomas, A Beautiful Offering, page 157.

Open hands, Keilah, open hands.

My job.

My relationships.

Money.

Food.

A place to live.

.....my husband and unborn child.

Open hands, Keilah, open hands.

"Look at the birds of the air; They do not sow or reap or store away in barns,

and yet, our heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than them?"

Matthew 6:26

"...give us this day our daily bread...

Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done..."