Christmas 2013

It's the morning after Christmas and I am still curled up in bed, wrapped in blankets and watching a little girl sleeping next to me, after having a restless night herself.

Thinking about yesterday, her very first Christmas. Feeling it in my heart, finally.

I always seem to set up some sort of expectation of what a special day is going to be like... Whether it be birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, whatever. I always want it to be magical, special, and something that feels real and deep... Something tangible that I can feel way into the center of my heart. A day where everyone I'm with or everyone I'm thinking of feels special, everyone is sure that they are loved, and they can feel it deep in their heart, too.

I just want it to be perfect.

But sometimes, a lot of the time, I let my expectations get in the way of it being perfect. I'm so worried about feeling it they way I imagine, that I don't give myself the chance to feel it the way it is.

Yesterday was Addi's first Christmas, and yet another Christmas spent away from mine and Matthias' families. There were so many emotions running free in my heart that I couldn't really sort trough them and figure out where I was. Aren't moms supposed to cry when their baby crawls out to the Christmas tree early in the morning? Aren't I supposed to take a million pictures, smiling through tears of joy? Should I have done more for my husband, even though he says he didn't want gifts? Isn't there supposed to be snow? Why aren't my parents and siblings all gathered here with me?

So many emotions, and I was letting all of the questions get in the way of what was truly happening...

...the joy in my husband as he woke me up, video taping every moment of Addi's first Christmas morning.

...hearing the words "you're beautiful" as I tried on a new sweater.

... watching my daughter fully concentrate on ripping one piece of wrapping paper at a time, slowly until a toy or book appeared. And the constant chewing on the paper.

... spending the evening with friends who have truly become family.

... Kidding my Addi and husband goodnight.

... And the realization that a long time ago, a mama grew Love inside her, and a baby was born in a cold, dirty barn.

He was born for me.

For my heart and for my soul.

So, Christmas was pretty perfect. 

Oh, let us adore Him.

Nine Months Old

To my Addi,

As of this month, you've officially lived outside of my body for just as long as you lived inside of my body. It's an unbelievable thought, to know that you have been alive, an actual part of me, for a whole 18 months.

That's a year and a half of knowing you, after a lifetime of waiting for you.

What a beautiful, uncertain, exciting year and a half it has been.

At nine months, you are filled with more energy than I ever thought possible. Your laugh is so crazy, so forced, so sweet. Other than your occasional tiny and natural giggle, you usually yell out a quick and scratchy "AH! HA! HA!" when you think something is funny. And it cracks me up. I have learned to laugh right along with you, this special and silly way that you laugh.

You are a hide-and-seek and peek-a-boo expert, starting the game multiple times a day, on your very own.

This month, we've learned that grains are not for you. At least, not yet. Maybe we'll try again next summer.

You are certainly not the most patient baby, but I should have anticipated that, huh? You take after your parents, I'm afraid. But we're working on it together, all three of us.

You sign for "more" when we are eating meals, and you understand words like "music" "nurse" "Daddy" "outside" "where's Addi?" "no ma'am" and "dance"

You are proud of yourself when you pull up and stand on your own, and when you dance on your own.

While I'm in the kitchen, you are always crawling under my feet and climbing up my legs, asking to be held.

Your way of greeting us when we wake up in the morning, or pick you up, is to slap us out of pure happiness. You get so excited that you can't help but hit us on the shoulders, chest, and face. Over and over and over again, until you feel like your joy is sufficiently conveyed to us.

As a result of this (and quite a few scratches) we are diligently working on the word "gentle" and teaching you what it means.

You have started eating your banana and avocado 'like a big girl' in small chunks... Practicing picking them up and getting them successfully into your mouth. Some of your favorite foods are egg yolk, sweet potato, banana, squash, and raw, grass-fed butter. You aren't a fan of raw yogurt, but I'm not giving up very easily, and your feelings about apples and carrots change each day.

Our prayer over you, this month, is that you grow to be kind. Kind to people you know, kind to people you don't know, and kind to them whether or not you like them. It is something that your Daddy and I work towards daily, but I know that it is what God has asked of our family. So, we press on in the discipline of our own behavior, praying that we will be parents that show you what true kindness and true love really looks like.

Happy mine months, sweetheart.

I love you so much that it physically

hurts, sometimes.

Love, Mama

Eight months old

Hey, Sweet Baby!

You turned eight months old, last week.

This has been a big month for you!

You learned to crawl, and you are very proud of yourself! I am amazed at how quick you are, and how unprepared I was for your newfound mobility. I spend my days chasing your cute booty around the house, picking up the destruction you leave behind and trying to forsee anything you may be thinking of getting into. I see your frustration go away, now that you can get to where you want to go, all by yourself.

...all by yourself...

You are laughing more than ever. You purposely goof off, look to see that we saw, then you laugh at how funny you are. We think you are hilarious and so silly, baby. You brighten our days!

You eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with us. I love eating as a family, and I can't wait to enjoy the countless family meals as our family grows, and as our kitchen table grows! You eat eggs, sweet potatoes, bananas, carrots and avocados. Your favorites are your eggs, sweet potatoes and avocados. Like your Daddy, you really don't love bananas. And like your Mama you don't particularly love carrots. 

Over the next couple weeks, we will give you apples and yogurt! I think you'll like them both.

All day long, you babble and yell and explore. "BA BA BA BA" and "MA MA MA MA" and "AHHHHH" ....usually at the top of your lungs. You spit and blow bubbles and chuckle like a pro.

We cannot get enough of you.

You are beautiful, and I make sure to tell you this every single day. You have the prettiest eyes and the sweetest smile.

These are the phrases you're starting to understand:

+ "More?" Both speaking and signing. You haven't signed it back yet, but I see in your face that you understand what we mean.

+ "No ma'am/No thank you" When your crawling towards or chewing on something that you shouldn't be, we say this, and you freeze and slowly sit back onto your bottom or take the item out of your mouth. We say "thank you, ma'am" or "good job, Addi!" and you grin and start kicking and waving your arms very big, so proud of yourself.

+ Your name, and nicknames. There are so many different things we call you, and you are starting to pick up on them! Addi, Addi Bird, Addi Birdie, Birdie, Booger Butt (that's all Daddy), Sugar, Lovie... So many more!

+ "Kisses?" When we ask you this, we get up close to your face, and you've started grabbing our face, pulling us in, and planting your sweet open mouth right onto our lips! It is the most precious thing, and it makes my heart want to burst.

Life is busy and full, with you.

Life is crazy and funny, with you.

Life is exhausting in the sweetest way.

With you, my sweet girl.

For eight months now, we've been learning you and kissing you daily. I don't think it will ever get old, being your Mama. Frustrating, yes. Scary, yes.

But not old, never old.

You are teaching me more about myself than I've ever known. The stuff I'm proud of, but also the stuff I'm not very proud of. I hear people say, "oh, she's going to be just like you! How wonderful!" And I hear my heart whisper, "No...please, no."

You see, my Birdie... I don't want you to be like me. I want you to be better than me. I want you to be brave, confident and obedient to God. These are three areas where I fall short every single day, and I am ashamed of that.

I pray bravery over you.

I pray confidence over you.

And I pray that you are obedient to the voice of God.

I want you to be you, yes, of corse.

But even more importantly, I pray that you want to be less like you, and more like Jesus.

Oh, my Birdie.

Look at the Joy that you have.

I want to be like you, honey.

I love you more than words can say.

Happy Eight Months to the sweetest girl,

Mama

Seven months old

Seven months old.

Seven months of being parents.

Seven months of no sleep.

Seven months, filled with Joy.

I am rocking you to sleep.

You are seven months old, today.

How many more nights do I get to hold you while you sleep? When will you be big and not able to curl up against my chest like this?

This month has raced by, faster than all the rest. We keep falling more and more in love with you!

You love to eat breakfast and dinner with Daddy and Mama, at the table.

You love patting/hitting/banging anything that makes a sound. Your hand patting Mama or Daddy's face or bare back is your favorite, thus far... Followed closely behind by banging your arms on the tray of your high chair, yelling "BA BA BA!"

I noticed you were cutting your first tooth on October 5th, and just ten days later, Daddy noticed your second one coming in. It is so heartbreaking for us to watch you in pain like this, sweetheart. We are doing our very best to comfort you. You are a teething rockstar, though, just needing a lot of extra cuddles, kisses and naps. You're nursing much less, we think it's because your teeth are giving you pain. I can't wait for those teeth to be done, because I can't wait for you to nurse like we are used to!

You're getting so close to crawling, your Daddy thinks it will happen in the next couple weeks.

You are sleeping in your crib by yourself ...most of the time.

We can't go to the grocery store without at least eight different people stopping us to "ooooh" and "awww" over you. There is no such thing as a quick shopping trip, anymore.

Actually, there's no such thing as a quick anything, anymore.

But I wouldn't have it any other way.

You are so funny, Addi Bird. You have a way of making everything a game, laughing at the simplest things. I pray that you're always stay this way.

You know exactly what you want, and you've started to let us know. Sometimes, you won't stop whining until someone is holding your hands so that you can pull yourself up. Over, and over, and over again. But I see your heart - so determined and strong. I am thankful for that, sweet girl. 

I can't wait to learn you even more, to help you grow and to kiss you with each morning that comes. 

You are a complete Beauty.

Happy 7 months.

I love you,

Mama