Just a couple pictures

It's the middle of the night and we are driving back to Tennessee after a crazy few weeks. I haven't blogged in ages but I feel like if I don't document life in some way, I may just forget. Days are getting quicker and they aren't looking to slow down any. Addi and I were able to join Matthias on his acoustic tour, playing shows in Alabama and Michigan.

It was an exciting, precious and humbling trip. I'm working on processing it all in my heart, and then once I do, I will write about it on this little space.

But for now, here's a million pictures.

You're invited to a scroll party.

Thanks for coming.

That's an obnoxious amount of pictures.

Eleven months old

This has been a big month for you!

You've said your first words.

"Up" "Mama" and "Dada"

You've taken your first steps.

You have met lots of new family and friends over the past couple of weeks, and you've handled it marvelously.

You've had a new cousin born and a best friend born, and you have another cousin on the way. You'll have so much fun playing with these three as you grow up. This is good for my Mama heart.

You've really started to imitate us. We get silly with you sometimes and push our faces close to yours, open our eyes real wide, and bobble our heads back and forth. The other day, we were sitting on the couch with Daddy, when out of no where, you stood up, poked your head closer to me, raised your eye brows, and nodded your head around a couple times. Daddy and I laughed so hard that our tummies were hurting. You are so much fun, Sweet Birdie!

Your newest foods are things like mango, broccoli, raw cheese, and blueberries. Occasionally when the fridge door is open, you'll crawl over and open the bottom drawer, pulling out as many handfuls of fresh kale as you can, shoving them into your mouth as your crawl away.

At least once a day, I walk into (or past) a bathroom, and notice an entire roll's worth of toilet paper laying all spun off in a big pile on the floor. I wonder how this always happens?

You wave to any person or animal that you see, and you save your sweetest and most slobbery kisses just for Mama and Daddy.

This month, my prayer for you is that you slow down. I know it's a selfish prayer, but with every day that we get closer to your first Birthday, it becomes easier and easier to see you as a toddler, teenager, and adult. I want so badly to just stop time right where it is and hold you tight for days and weeks and months. You will be a wonderful little girl, sister, friend, wife and Mama, some day, and I rejoice in all of that... It's just so fast.

Watching you grow is both the happiest and saddest that I have ever been.

Happy Eleven Months, my Beauty.

Your Daddy put it perfectly, last week:

"Oh, Sweet Addi girl, you're my world."

We love you, honey.

Mama

Ten months old

Ten.

I really cannot believe that.

You have started interacting with us more and more each day. You play games, laugh at silly things, and crawl fast away from us when we are chasing you. One of your very favorite things to do is dance. Whenever you hear music or somebody starts to sing or clap or play an instrument, you immediately start your bouncing and kicking and fist waving. Some of the sweetest parts of parenthood so far have been the times that we turn the music up and have a family dance party with Daddy. Mama jumps and sings, Daddy swings and throws you into the air, and you bounce and smile, laughing and squealing. Sweetest times of my life.

I've seen your compassionate heart shine through many times this past month. You are tender, just like I am, and that is what we prayed over you. There have been moments where I was scared, upset or crying. And each time, you have noticed and crawled to me, put those chubby fingers on my face and looked into my eyes. And I'm telling you, sweet thing, it is so good for my heart. You are a comforter. Oh, you are teaching me to comfort others.

Daddy and I ask for "kisses please?" and you have started planting your open mouth, tongue out, right on our lips. Sometimes when you aren't feeling up to all of the close up face time, you'll put your hand straight out and allow us to kiss those sweet little palms.

You love beets! LOVE THEM. They've probably skipped right on up to 3rd or 4th in line of your favorite foods. Also, squash, no skin and hold the seeds.

You have four little teeth, and we cannot get enough of how cute you are with them. The other morning, you figured out how to grind them together. I cannot wait for that to stop, and neither can Daddy.

This month, you've been wanting to be rocked to sleep more than you used to. It's a beautiful way of staying my baby and being a big girl at the same time. And I appreciate you letting me hold you close to me while you sleep. It is a incredible and divine gift that I am not worthy of, to watch you fall asleep against my chest as I pray thankfulness and protection and love over you.

This month, I pray that you stay tender.

I pray that you're brave. Sure of yourself.

And I pray that you feel in your heart more and more each day just how profoundly and incredibly and beautifully you have wrecked your Daddy and Mama's hearts.

You are my Birdie, and I love you,

Happy ten months,

Mama

Christmas 2013

It's the morning after Christmas and I am still curled up in bed, wrapped in blankets and watching a little girl sleeping next to me, after having a restless night herself.

Thinking about yesterday, her very first Christmas. Feeling it in my heart, finally.

I always seem to set up some sort of expectation of what a special day is going to be like... Whether it be birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, whatever. I always want it to be magical, special, and something that feels real and deep... Something tangible that I can feel way into the center of my heart. A day where everyone I'm with or everyone I'm thinking of feels special, everyone is sure that they are loved, and they can feel it deep in their heart, too.

I just want it to be perfect.

But sometimes, a lot of the time, I let my expectations get in the way of it being perfect. I'm so worried about feeling it they way I imagine, that I don't give myself the chance to feel it the way it is.

Yesterday was Addi's first Christmas, and yet another Christmas spent away from mine and Matthias' families. There were so many emotions running free in my heart that I couldn't really sort trough them and figure out where I was. Aren't moms supposed to cry when their baby crawls out to the Christmas tree early in the morning? Aren't I supposed to take a million pictures, smiling through tears of joy? Should I have done more for my husband, even though he says he didn't want gifts? Isn't there supposed to be snow? Why aren't my parents and siblings all gathered here with me?

So many emotions, and I was letting all of the questions get in the way of what was truly happening...

...the joy in my husband as he woke me up, video taping every moment of Addi's first Christmas morning.

...hearing the words "you're beautiful" as I tried on a new sweater.

... watching my daughter fully concentrate on ripping one piece of wrapping paper at a time, slowly until a toy or book appeared. And the constant chewing on the paper.

... spending the evening with friends who have truly become family.

... Kidding my Addi and husband goodnight.

... And the realization that a long time ago, a mama grew Love inside her, and a baby was born in a cold, dirty barn.

He was born for me.

For my heart and for my soul.

So, Christmas was pretty perfect. 

Oh, let us adore Him.